A Step Into Censoreds Mind

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Ok. So here is where I will vent my frustrations and thoughts about recent happenings on the Dane Cook message board. If you care, please read the following. If you hate my life afterwards, please make sure to fuck off. These are my opinions and its my God damn blog!

First things first. I joined the Dane Cook message board a little less then a year ago.Been a fan of Danes for years. I love Dane Cooks comedy and I wanted to show and share my love for the man. So I signed up to his board and began to get to know his fans. At first it was a little bleak, nothing too interesting. It was what you would expect from fans. Love, admiration, dick sucking...all the things that make fans, fans. I stayed and mostly read others comments, and would make my own every now and then. Until the day came that members ImNotDylan, TooShortForMost, Ltrain, etc. started posting and making the board lively and hilarious. Some of the things that these people would write made me choke on several drinks, laugh until my stomach felt as if it were gonna fall out, and on some occasions almost made me piss my panties. We would talk about random things, not just "Dane Cook". We would discuss embarrassing childhood moments, gay fantasies, 80s pop culture, and guilty pleasures, etc. It was a network of laughter and Id have to say one of the funniest and most lively message boards I was ever apart of. We got to know eachother to a certain extent, and we understood eachothers sense of humor, and personality. We even had a thread entitled, "Person Of The Day" where we would pick a member and praise them for all the things we liked about them and why they deserve their own day. What other fans do that? We were loyal to eacother and we loved eachother. As cheesy as that sounds. We were a tight knit family, online.
After months and months of posting and spending hours upon hours of computer time on just one site, some of our friends were "banned". They werent allowed on the site anymore, they werent allowed to post on the message board. It was so abrupt that we all went into panic mode. None of us knew why they got banned and no one was giving any answers. The Moderators didnt even explain anything to any of us, or to even the people who were banned. What a way to operate. We all knew what the guidelines were, and we all broke the rules...so why did just a select few get banned from the site? We will never know. Speculation after speculation came upon the board and even members were being blamed for it. Pointing fingers and arguing with eachother. Arguing in a serious and hurtful way was never the case before this happened. The site became a battle zone. All I pictured when I entered was a desert and darkness. Don't know why, but it just seemed foreign all of a sudden. Many fans, and me included, voiced our "opinions" on what the matter must have been and what we felt about it. Automatically our views were either deleted or other fans were bashing what we thought was unjust, it became an online war...and still we have no answers. Its not like we need them, but it would make all the arguing, wondering, bashing, and angst stop. But it seems as though we will never get answers, we will never be able to have a message board as good as that one once was. It kinda makes me sick to think that one day it was "bliss", for lack of a better word, and today it is "dead". I was saddened when I entered the site today...there were only a few posts and nothing interesting to read. Not the board that once existed. The board that once existed had numerous replies and long lists of new topics to go through. It was a humorous persons haven. It was for everyone. Now its pretty much like it was when I first joined, except theres a lot of anger in some threads and a lot of "ify" and "touchy" subjects.

To those of you who have been apart of the boards and know who I am I wanna tell you this. These are for you. This is what I think about everything you said and have done. (happy Cal?..inside joke)Take it or leave...

don't take anything I say here as a blow to anyone's ego or "beliefs". Its just my opinion, and I hope it doesn't lessen your "love" and "admiration" for me. LOL. I love you all, and I agree with all of you!!! I wont kiss ass, but if I say "I love you" I mean it. In a friendship sort of way. I dont want to fuck you. Back on topic...

To Mia: I think we all got the gist of your thoughts on the matter, but you could of done it in a more caring way. I know you've been through the whole banning thing once before, but some of the members haven't and they are hurt by the fact that their friends were banned for reasons unknown. Telling people to "shut up" and "move on" is just ridiculous. You made yourself look like a bitch. I know you probably don't care, but we all have voices and opinions, just like the ones you voiced. We don't like eachother and that's fine by me.

To Crunge: I don't think you had anything to do with it. We all know that you have "connections" or what not to certain comedians and such so that alone made you look like a suspect. Suspect? Was it this COPS? LOL. Anyhow, making the issue seem "passive" and making it seem that it was easy to "move on" made you look insensitive to the fact of the matter. This is why people have pointed the finger at you, and why they are against you. Your attitude to this problem, from what I've picked up, is basically like " what happened, happened. We cant change it, it sucks but life goes on". You still love the members and you wish it wasn't this way...but some people aren't gonna believe that. I now personally that you love Twinkie/TheBat...so why would you be part of banning her? You wouldn't. That aside, some people just don't like you. They think you flaunt your shit, and your confidence can be mistaken for an ego. Ive talked to you one on one, and although I don't know you extremely well, from what I do know...you seem to be a nice, easy going, caring, comedy lovin, and funny girl. The ones who don't know you on that level may see you ina different light. Or they may just not like you. Either way, not everyone likes every person inthe world. Its a reality.

To JULIE: I understand and agree with just about every single thing you said. I understand why you are frustrated and I know why you feel that this matter shouldn't just be shifted off to the side. Not wanting this "problem" to just fade away is what I expected from you. I admire it. You definitely have a voice in this matter and it was well heard. I can only say that you are a great fan and only want what's just and honest. For those reasons alone, I love you.

To DC2BE: Sometimes I think we share the same brain. You took some words right out of my mouth when you were voicing your opinions. I totally hear and understand all of your beliefs and thoughts on the matter. You too are a great fan and a great person.I do realize that it wasn't a "malfunction" of the site, but it was dirty work. You only want what is just and loyal. Honest and true...that is all that matters!!! You rock my skull hard.

To Jules: You even voiced some great points. I have to agree with you also.

To Pink_Pants: Even you pointed out some good...points. You were a little harsh in some things you said, but should we expect any less from you? I think not. Its only a site and an online message board. All true, but its about principles and what people feel is right or wrong. Regardless if its online or off. Yes we were making a statement on a message board that is irrelevant to the rest of the world and all that's going on in it. But you were apart of this board and you feel like we should just move on. Ok. But that's an "opinion" right? So you have yours and we have ours. No need to go medieval on our asses, and no need to be calling my peeps fucks. Ok? Youre still a bitch.

To WuTang/Warren: God I love you. You have such a deep respect for truth and friendship. I thought it was hilarious that you were upset at "not" being banned. I loved how you laughed at it. That makes us more upset that people such as you got banned. I know it took WUTANG to get you banned, but you get what I am saying. Your views were well appreciated and I definitely respected everything you said. You stood up for what you thought was right, and no one can take that away from you. You are a great soul, and you make me want to dance. Bitches and Hoes, nigga. Bitches and Hoes.

To Magow and Tammy: You guys just want to have fun and not have to deal with this stupid highschool drama. You would like explanations and you want the funny people back! I want the same.

To all the people who were banned. TooShort, WuTang, Ltrain, Bat/Twinkie, JenniMae, Sarahcutenfine, etc....

I personally think this sucks. Whether you believe it or not you were all needed to keep this board going. Well not so much Jenni Mae. LOL. I miss seeing your hilarious posts and I miss talking to you and using 80s pop culture references. The board will never be the same without you guys. Like I said before, it seems so foreign to me now. I think what happened is shady, and I don't think I could post without you guys there. You guys will all be in my wedding. Juvenile "back that thang up" remember? Lol. Just kidding.

As far as posting goes, I have only been posting in the thread pertaining to this subject, and only this subject. I feel as though there is nothing to say in other posts, because the people who I went to that site for are now gone. I don't think I will post otherwise. Who knows what the future will bring. Ill definitely check in and see whats up....but as far as right now. No, there will be no posts. Unless provoked.

Dane? I love Dane. His message board just sucks at the moment. I don't have a clue in my head why he personally would ban "fans" of his. Dane is one to embrace everybody and make everyone feel welcome. I don't think he would shun anyone away. The MODS on the other hand, they are being shady. No explanations, not even a "fuck you!". Zip. Zilch. Zero. It sucks, but what can I do, really? I cant "make" them tell us. It really isn't my place either to know. I am not gonna hate Dane because his board is lacking and unjust. I love his comedy and when I met him he was nothing but nice to me, and accommodating. Dane of all people would not want to lessen his fanbase. I love Dane, and that aint gonna change.

This is whats been running through my head. We all dont think exactly alike and my words aren't meant to offend or hurt anyone. They are "my" feelings and expressions. If you don't "get" were im coming from then all I can say to that is, oh well. Hate me if you wish, or like me. Either way life will go on. You guys are my favorite bunch of people and I think this business personally sucks the big one. Ill say farewell for now and well talk again. Im out.

Job Hunting Sucks!

I would officially like to say that the job hunting "scene" is not as easy at it looks. Every young kid knows how difficult it is to find work, let alone land a job and then actually get paid for it. We go through this battle until the end of our days, or until our actual thought out "career" comes into play. Either way, job hunting sucks ass.

So ive been out of work since last April, thats right almost a full year. Why? you ask. Why? Well at first I didnt want to find a job. I liked the daily routine of not having to get up and go to a place I hated. Then after about 4 days I decided to start searching. My search came to a hault when I went to about 10 places and none of the places were hiring, or when I filled out applications...I heard from no one.

Summer was coming quick, and I knew I had to land a job before all the kids got out of school and took them from me. This plan turned into a processed turd. I didnt find a job. Summer went. Fall came. Now what is there to worry about? I made it through the summer, right? Christmas. Thats what I had to worry about next. Finding a job before christmas. Granted I didnt try as hard as I should of, so I cant really complain for my faults. But I did try a bit. Nothing. Until a week before christmas. I got a gig at a ham selling place, for christmas rush help. That lasted all of a day because I magically grew a kidney stone, and an added bonus of a urinary track infection to follow. Indeed. I was cripple for a week. So christmas came and went.

I gave up for a while, I said "fuck this". I was sick of looking and nothing coming of it. Application after application. Phone calls, and even an interview that lead to nothing. I got jack. Employers make me laugh. Especially in the restaurant industry. I applied for some waitressing jobs. I have not had experience in waitressing, but I am a fast learner and it shouldnt be that hard. No one would hire me because of lack of experience. Well how am I gonna get experience if I cant work anywhere because of lack of experience? Heh? Hmm? interesting. Also, I called places, ok? After dropping off applications, I wait two days and then calll them to see if they checked out the applications. So I call this one place, seemed promising, asked "Hi, I was just wondering if anyone had the chance to look at the application that I had dropped off?"..response "Um, not yet, I havent even started, call me on Monday" I call back at the begining of the week. "Hi I called last week, about a application I dropped off, has anyone looked at it yet?"...response "havent gone through them yet..i should get through them by the end of the week early next week.
It takes two weeks to look at an application? I know people got duties or what not, but give me a break. My stomache dropped 8 feet and I felt that even if I called next week...or the week after that I would have gotten told the same thing. Indeed.

So today, Im still searching. Searching...searching...searching. When I find something Ill let you know, and give you 14 care bear hugs. Im a fraud. Jigga what?

Easter has come and gone. The holiday in which kids favor chocolate candies over Christ himself. The holiday where people make enormous meals and stuff their faces with dead carcases and hard boiled "Im gonna fart forever" eggs. Harsh? Yet realistic.

An asshole had the once in a lifetime chance to sit down with me and interview. He shall remain nameless, much like everyone I come in contact with. Damn restraining orders!

Q:What did you do for Easter Leah?
A: Me? I woke up at 4pm, thats right 4 pm. Church? Whats church? I missed it. I was to busy drooling on my 100% cotton pillowcase and dreaming of spring chickens and hairy men.

Q: Did you have an Easter Feast?
A That rhymed. Wait, no it didnt. Ummm...easter feast...I had lamb,pork,mashed potatoes,spinach and about 385 rolls. Excuse me, biscuits. I then attempted to eat a hard boiled egg, but I vomited in my throat a little.

Q: Get any Easter treats?
A: Treats? How would you define treats? If shitting out everything I ate at 650 mph is a treat, then I guess you can say so. Nah, I got some treats. A gift from the rents, and some candy. Bigger thighs anyone?

Q: What does Easter mean to you? Religious wise, and or tradition?
A: The religious part of Easter does have a great meaning for me. Eventhough it gets pushed aside to later be filled in with pastel colors and a man sized rabbit who gives little children chocolate eggs, no not Michael Jackson, it still holds it own with me. I am a Catholic, Jesus has Risen. <---thought I was gonna write something sarcastic eh? Im bigger than that, you bitch! Traditions? My family "usually" will attend mass and then have a dinner, made by Momma. I peeled potatoes. Thanks. Other then that, we just hang at home and people who have "significant others" go off and eat more of Mommas cooking. I peeled the potatoes I tell ya!

Q: In closing, I would like to ask, what has this Easter brought to you? Whats your overall feeling? Are you gleeful?
A: Wait...this is our last question? What kinda reporter are you!?! No more questions for ME!!!???!!! How dare you sir, how dare you rape me with your eyes! Well if I HAVE to answer. Ughh. Easter wasnt half bad, I was kinda bummed I didnt make it to church, but theres always next time...if I dont die before hand. Ya know, only devoted Christians go to church on holidays. Didnt ya know? Im a fuck up. Besides my perpetual personality beatings, Id say it was quite alright. Easter went smooth. My overall feeling is that I am way over stuffed with food products and I havent caught any real sleep. Am I gleeful? If a perm-grin equals glee, then I am the most gleeful person on this here earth. Peace out. Peace out God.

A very hilarious, scrumptous person, who will remain nameless sparked an idea in my head this fine Easter morning at 8:04 AM. Where else would an idea occur? you ask. I dont know, but dont knock it till its occured.

Public Restrooms...or any restrooms in general. How do you use them? Quietly? Abruptly loud (meaning bodily noises and squeaks)? Do you use them at all? If so, what are your tricks to surviving the inevidability that you will get a sudden urge to have to shat, or pee? Thats right shat.

What are my tricks?
In a public restroom there can be endless possibilities to what you may find, or what you may have to invent to further complete your stay, and make your mark in the public restroom. For one, public restrooms are not up to par on the cleanliness factor of what a facility should present. Lets face it. Theres feces and wiz all over the place, water everywhere, toilet paper all over the seats and some in the lighting fixture. Sometimes you will even find a little boy crying in the corner. Endless possibilities, keep that in mind. I walk in, check out the scene, see whats up. I make sure I can handle the janitorial job that ensues. I HOPE that there is at least toilet seat covers(ya know those little paper,wax, whatever..peices of material that you have to poke the center out of to make a hole for your junk), once that is concured its on to the squatting stance. Whats the squatting stance? Most women, who are not swines will realize that the squatting stance is the most protected way to go to the john without contacting anything, but mid air. Bend the knees, make sure the pants are down, and find the bowl opening. Bob your ass over the seat to make sure you have balance, then let it go.
Why would you cover the seat if you arent even sitting on it? Well in some unfortunate cases, your knees will give way and you will fall onto that syphillis infested seat and the "cover" will be down already to make sure you dont get crabs. Smart, eh?
Once the job is done, flush as instructed and PLEASE PLEASE wash your hands. Dont go make a cri-sandwich and then lick your fingers after you just wipped your ass. Please! For the love of God!

Noises? What noises? Farts people. Farts. Oh and grunts. I try my damndest not to make a sound when I am letting go my once eaten mcnugget meal. I hate mcnuggets. Anyway, I have become comfortable to draw the pants open and squat. Once I am in the position, I try my hardest not to let a peep out of my butt, not even the marshmellow peeps that some of you kids will be getting today. What do you do if an uncontrollable mishap is yet to happen? A few things you can do to ease the fact that a bodily noise is never attractive and you will be the talk of the Seamans furniture employees and costumers from here on out.
1) Cough, thats right cough. If you "all of a sudden" have a uncontrollable and loud cough, or coughs...then you can easily slip out some quick farts and some tight farts while the coughing is being played out. No one will know whether you were farting or just coughing and making noises. Odor? Your in a public restroom, odor is in there way before you ever thought of using that broken toilet and filth.
2) Flush the toilet. Say youve got a fart coming on, but cant tell whether it can be controlled or if everyone will hear it for 12 miles southeast of where ever you are. Say you happen to have eaten Japanese food that day and your junk is flying out of you at 8000 mph. What do you do? Flush the toilet. Most, if not all public restrooms have industrial toilets which when flushed blocks out any noise from being heard. So even if ya gotta flush 4+ times, its better to be known as the "FLUSHER" rather than the "GAS CHAMBERS OF CONCENTRATION CAMPS". Right?

This my friends has been your trip to the public restrooms, my style. Make sure you grab some cotton candy on the way out, and dont trip over the step.

My First Blog! So kids, my name is Leah. I am from Connecticut, I enjoy comedy good people, music, and interesting conversation. What is this? A dating service? I think not. This is my first post. Nothing interesting to say, except this is my first post. Yeah...so...um...there ya go. It shall begin!