A Step Into Censoreds Mind

Yesterday while cooking eggs for breakfast, and simultaneously eating a stemmed cherry, I found myself jumping 14 feet backwards. Why? Fucking multant grease. At first, when youre cooking, your food will pop or sizzle. This shit blew up. Im checking my toast and going back and forth between my eggs and the toaster. I walk back over to the stove and the weapons of mass destruction showed face. I have no doubt in my mind that the egg/butter grease is in fact the weapons of mass destruction. Killing off one American at a time, while they just try to make a meal. So in retrospect killing one American at a time, each morning, will inevitably make the death rate a mass number. Hence, weapons of mass destruction. This "pop" was no ordinary pop, I literally jumped back and held my chest. My eyes went all squinty and startled, and my head flew back like I was in the fucking Matrix movie. After pausing in disbelief, I slowly stepped back up towards the death trap that was called "breakfast". Break-Fast...damn straight. I did break fast away from the volcano that was my eggs. Not only did it pop once, but it popped again! This time, still wasn't prepared, I closed my eyes and jolted a bit. I girl just wants to make a meal, son.

Once the fight was over, I sat down in the living room. I ate my breakfast, consisting of an egg and toast, and watch "Starting Over". Nothing better then eating eggs after almost being killed by butter, and watching women go through life issues and troubles. I think I may do it again. This time im bringing a shield and a sword.

Ok, so there is this dilemma that all men and women have. What is it? The toilet seat. Does it stay up? Should it go down? Will you be mad if I leave it up/down? The dilemma which all men and women, well most, go through. Such a small conquest, yet such a big deal. I myself have no preference. Up or down? Doesn't matter. No sense fighting over it.

I do have one argument. The argument is, if you are going to leave the seat up/down, please do not, I repeat DO NOT, piss all over that shit!

If you decide to let your man made lemonade spew all over the plaster/wooden/glass/steel/etc seat, clean it up. Will ya? On countless occasions I have gone into the bathroom in the morning, with eyes half focused, and have either sat in or touched piss. Probably some other liquids as well, but lets not get to graphic. Im talking about CUM, people. Thanks. Not cum people...just cum. Ok? Anyways, I don't need to be sitting in your piss. God knows what other germs and lint comes outta that snake, I don't need it on my vagina, peehole, or ass cheeks. Its pretty sad when you sit down without looking and you have to wash your ass after just wanting to take a piss. Granted, I didn't look. But should I really have to? Is it that much effort to..ummm...aim? If you miss, just clean it up!!! Is it that hard? I know it isn't, because I am always cleaning up other peoples piss. Every time my brain goes 'Gee, I gotta pee..lets go empty' I walk into the bathroom and witness my janitorial job that ensues. Every time! Who the fuck is constantly pissing on seats? I can understand once in a while...you spirt and then leave in a hurry. Every time, though? Everytime you pull out old Willy, you gotta let him spit on my thrown? Holy fuck! I never used so much windex and Lisol in my life!

I guess its ok for me to wipe up piss, but the seat pisser gets off scott free. Get it, SCOTT free. No? Nevermind. I feel the need to pee at the moment, so I must leave my rant for now.

Gee, ya think ill have to get out my medical gear including:

mask
gloves
towelettes
etc.

Just so I can pee? I think this is a no brainer. I will definitely need it. Thanks guys, thanks for nothing!

Fuck William Hung. Not literally. If you so happen to though make sure you do it with an enormous dildo so you will inevitably knock the voice, or lack of voice, right out of him. We all know he isn't talented, but this is why he has a career. For his lack of talent. Original, hard working, talented, deep, beautiful people can not get a record deal if it was to save their life, but William Hung gets one in a split second of a reality mistake.

1] William Hung is a reject, a talentless being who has a job only a true performer would dream of.

2] Why pick a low grade song like "She Bangs", by former Menudo member, when you can just throw in the whole towel and sing a song such as "Aarons Party" by Aaron Carter?

3]I have come to the conclusion that William is infact "not hung". Those pants don't fit that close from magic. Its called a vagina. How dare I degrade our sexuality by putting William Hung onto the side of women. Fuck that. Hes a he/she, and "it" if you will. If he has a penis, which is doubtful, its probably the size and resemblance of a Vienna sausage.

4]"I have no former training" -William Hung. Well no shit. Ya don't say?

5]He knew what he was doing. Willi-cum knew that if he said and sang the right things,while proceeding to make a horrid song putrid,hed get noticed. God-dawn-it he did.

6] The media tries to make him seem innocent and we are supposed to feel bad for him, but laugh at him. Well Im laughing, but not because hes funny and not because its "cute". I am laughing for the full disbelief that I am graced with a William Hung MTV2 video, and online Merch packages. What the fuck? Are they serious. I would buy a head shot( why the fuck does this fucker have a headshot?) and make a dart board out of it. Wanna play darts anyone? 1000 points for the first person to hit his crooked tooth. Excuse me teeth.

I just personally think that this character is a waste of my time. Every magazine I pick up I gotta look at this Japanese horror show. I personally "love" to read articles about him "going over some financial and contract deals"...That's right, you read clear. " ..an estimated 2500 or 25000 dollar contracts. William is waving other deals"...e-yup...right again.

I am a singer/songwriter. Self proclaimed that is. I will most likely never see the same success as William Hung has. Bitter, no. Angry, most definitely. Why? The injustice of it. I am sure better then William Hung, but I will never see a contract..Let alone "waving contracts"..In my life span. Not important. Just not justifiable.

Now I will go to watch MTV2 or just plain MTV..Cause ya need two. Who will I see? SHE BANGS! Dats right, kids...I bet ya hes on as I type. Fucking ass wipe.

Im listening to Coldplay's "In My Place" at the moment. I'm thinking about that awful happening to that American soilder, Nick Berg. If you havent heard, he was an American soilder who was captured by the Iraqui terrorists. They video taped his execution, which consisted of his beheading by a 7" blade(small blade, I didnt measure obviously). America soon discovered this tape, like all the other ones...but it was way too late. Nick Berg is dead. Nick Berg was set to come home, but decided to stay a few days to promote his company. Promote his company? In Iraq? Ok, I'll buy it. But none the less, he was captured and held hostage for who knows how many days. Finally, resulting into his execution.

This makes me fucking sick. This isnt a damn made up movie,its real life! Real fucking assholes taking an innocent soilder and killing him. For what? To show us they arent "fucking around"? I think we got that picture when 9/11 happened, and countless other acts. Hmph, fucking terrorists. Youd think Id realize that this is why they are called "terrorists" but fuck that. These fucking cock suckers kill innocents, when the whole reason why America got involved was because terrorists fucking bombed America via airplane. Didnt they notice that we actually are trying to free their country? No one seems to notice that. Nick Berg is in my prayers, as well as all the men and women defending our country on a day to day basis. Thank God for you!

Another thing that boggles my mind. I saw a infomercial (dont laugh) about hungry, basically homeless american children and their families. This is a main reason why I have a problem with illegal immigrants. We cant hardly support our own people, or we arent trying to. So why should we support immigrants. Illegal lets not forget. I can understand if you properly come to America and register to be an American, then fine...you can have your piece of land or what not. America takes too much attention away from its own country, and thats a sad thing. We have countless homeless, hungry, jobless, people who are just trying to survive. Hey America, why dont ya try giving jobs to those who were here first? Or the actual Americans who have lived here there whole lives. Its sick to know that I, as a tv viewer, may be the only hope for these people. We have billionares in this country, millionares...but we dont have enough money to feed our people? What is that? Shell some out Donald Trump. You dont need that Benz. Shell out Bill Gates you dont need body tempature modifying rooms in your house. This makes me sick. We can pay movie stars/musicians/etc million upon millions of dollars, but we cant give some money to the needy. Its really sad. The only people who seem to be supporting these causes and people are the tv viewers. 99.9% of those people are average Americans. Hard working, living pay check by paycheck, people. We gotta shell out though. If we dont these people would hardly have support. America needs to fix America, before it starts trying to fix other countries. Thats all Im saying. Its a damn shame.

LOL. We all use that term. That AIM instant messenger term. "LOL". I love aim, give me free stuff, but that shorten phrase has become just something to write, instead of nothing.

For those of you who don't know what "LOL" means, it means Laugh Out Loud. Say someone makes a comment about you over the computer and you literally laugh out loud, you would write "LOL" to let them know that they were funny for a split second.

But in these days of shortened terms and such, do we really "LOL" when we write it? Are we actually laughing out loud to the persons words? Or is it a space filler? A word saver? A thing to write to fill up the silence? I'm beginning to feel that it is.

Sometimes when I write "LOL" I actually am laughing out loud. Other times I may have a straight face on, eventhough it may have been funny, but I am not laughing out loud. So what do we do in this case? How do we tell? We cant really. I will tell you if I fell out of my chair laughing or if I choked on some beverage. But a "LOL" usually means 'it was funny, but I am not laughing out loud in reality'. Not trying to be mean. But you know you all do it. There are sometimes when you are talking with someone and they don't say anything funny or clever. i.e whenever you talk to me...Get the picture? LOL. <--see? When I wrote that I actually did not laugh out loud, but it was my way of showing you that I am joking.

If I am laughing I will usually write "hahahahaahahhahaha" or something to that effect. "lol" is a good space filler, a good compensation for the empty space which needs to be filled. Agreed? I think we can all say that we havent "LOL" everytime we have written it.

I wouldnt believe you if you said different.



Lol.

New post. New day. What is there to say on this fine, hot, sweaty, sticky, morning at 8:08 in the AM??? Basically nothing.
Even when you talk about nothing, then thats something. Things to think about.

Ive been at a mental block lately. Mental blockage has given me something to write about. Whats that? you ask. Mental blockage. I know what youre thinking, "Stop saying, mental blockage"....but I cant. Mental blockage, mental blockage, mental blockage.

I havent even been able to write a decent song in a long time. Could be the fact that the world is crumbling behind me. Could be that my mind has gone into "let go" mode. Could be that I am numb to certain things. My mind is at a blank. Much like I once had knowledge, dont laugh, but now its all gone. Empty. Nadda. Zip.

Im in a slump and dont know how to get out of it.

Mental Blockage.

Remember that night in New York City that I thought I wouldn't top? Well tonight was just as good, possibly better.

My sisters and I went to New York City to see *gasp* Dane Cook. We went to no other then Carolines Comedy Club. Jay Davis and Gary Gulman opened for him. We got hella good seats, right where all the comedians come out and close to the stage. Jay Davis was the host of the show and he was hilarious. This was my first experience of Jay and it was awesome. Gary Gulman, a favorite of mine, was purely genius. His comedy gets me rolling every time. We got to meet them all after the show. Dane, Jay, Gary, and even Jay Oakerson who was hosting the following show. Jay Oakerson is also hilarious and really really nice. I was excited because Jay Davis remembered me from his message board. Cheesy to some , yes, but cool for me. Back off!!!! So after we did our pictures and such, Jay Davis invited us to the party or whatnot that they were going to. During the show he mentioned it as well, so we decided to head over there after the show.

So like last week, we wanted to see if we could get to meet Ray Liotta once again. Ray is in a Broadway Play called Match, and we figured that he would come out once again. Well, he did! My sisters and I got to meet Ray Li-fucking-otta once again. Got pictures and such.....Just awesome!!! Yet another dream relived.

So after that we wanted to head over to this "party" we were hearing about. We went to the hotel Dane was staying in and asked for him and Jay Davis. We got connected to their room ,and my sister was talking to Dane and asking him if they were gonna come down or whatnot. Dane said they'd be down in about 10 minutes. So we waited outside near the bar. 10 minutes later Dane and his crew come out of the hotel and head toward the bar. Dane waved and Jay Davis came over and said hello once again. Gary Gulman was also wandering around and headed into the bar. Jay was talking to us for a few minutes and then he'd head over to Dane and back to us. Awesome guy. They weren't sure what they were gonna do, because Dane was on the phone with his manager and had some business deal to work out. So we weren't sure where they were gonna go, or if they were gonna hang. We had to catch an early train home so we stood there for a few minutes and talked with Jay, said goodbye to everyone and headed to the train station.

As we walked into Grand Central my sister thought she saw Billy Baldwin (one of the Baldwin brothers)...He headed to one of the vendors. When he turned back around my sister noticed that it was infact Billy Baldwin. Awesome, right? So we got pictures with him as well. What are the chances? We all thought that this day was too good to be true. That it was too good, that we were either gonna die on site, or have a growing tumor in our bodies soon enough. Good things certainly did happen today. How grateful.

So that was my day in New York City. No gun shootings today. But there were thug-a-lug-lugs outside of the Virgin Mega Store battling it out. Talking 'bout, "Ill blast you" What the fuck? Oh and just the occasional afro American who would say, "yeah, and I told her to take her drawers off"....The usual.

The best day I ever had in New York was on Thursday, April 29th 2004. Why? Let me tell ya the story.

So this past Thursday I went to New York City to catch a comedy show at Carolines On Broadway. My sister(Tammy) and I went to see Brian Regan. When we first stepped foot in the city we were walking down the street to find somewhere to eat. We look to our left and there's Harvey Firestein (Miss Doughtfire, etc.) walking with camera men. Must have been taping a show or whatnot to promote the new play he is in. No?! Maybe. So we eat and then head to the show.

The show was amazing. I never laughed as hard as I did that night. I was crying and choking the entire time. Brian was hilarious, he made the best faces and he didn't even use any profanity in his act. When you can just talk without being vulgar, and to get a response like he did, he was pure genius. We got to meet him after the show. He was really nice and accommodating. Very easy to approach and so friendly. Check him out when you get the chance.

So after the show my sister and I wanted to head over to the club B.B. Kings. A band called Iced Earth was playing and we wanted to snag a t-shirt for my brother. We weren't to sure were it was located so we just decided to wing it, and look around for it. We happened to go down this one street where all the "big" Broadway plays were. We noticed that Ray Liota (i.e Goodfellas, Turbulence, Narc, Pheonix, etc.) was in one of the plays. The show was getting out and we saw some fans outside with their playbills and pens. We were like "Ya think Ray will come out?"...we weren't too sure. But we saw the fans and decided to head over there. We waited outside for about 15 minutes, when who else comes out the stage door. Ray Liota!!! We couldn't believe it! My sister is a tremendously huge fan of his and I am a fan as well. We were all giddy and we were lucky enough to still have a couple snapshots left in our camera. We got pictures with Ray and said how much we liked him, etc. He was really nice. A dream come true. If this isn't exciting for any of you then you need to go slap yourself in the face. Ray Liota...we still cant believe it. We walked down the street in disbelief, all giddy and chipper. We're girls, what do you expect? Right?

That night went so smoothly, especially because there was a Times Square shooting too. Picture perfect.